All Grown Up
by claudiastar
Summary: The Fourth Doctor looks at Romana and thinks how much she has grown. Short introspective piece, set during Full circle. Please review


"I don't want to spend the rest of my life on Gallifrey"

Author's Note: My first attempt at classic who. I have recently fallen in love with Four/Romana. I'd love some feedback. Set in that Moment at the beginning of _Full Circle _when Romana announces she does not wish to go back to Gallifrey. Italiscised quotations taken from the episode and belong to its writer Andrew Smith.

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. I do however own a packet of Jelly Babies- anyone want the orange ones?

All Grown Up.

"_I don't want to spend the rest of my life on Gallifrey"_

He's not sure quite when it happened. The change. It took place so gradually that he wasn't even really aware of it, not until she stood in front of him just this moment and declared it openly. When did she stop being _their _creature? Perhaps it was with her regeneration; a lot of things get lost with an incarnation, perhaps loyalty to the council could be one of them, though he's never seen it before.

The thing that concerns him most is that it might be his fault. She has been travelling with him for far too long now. Everyday he sees more of himself in her. She's even adopted some of his mannerisms. The way she opens her eyes very wide when she's thinking, her clipped non-sequential way of speaking- he is sure she got those from him; he even caught her stroking the TARDIS once. He has turned her into a freedom fighter, and he doesn't like it, it frightens him, because he knows, somewhere deep inside him he knows, that it means he must loose her, very soon now.

Then again… he remembers the way she was when he first met her: As beautiful as a Greek Statue, and as unfeeling. Some changes are for the better. He looks at her now, so clever, so rebellious, and is full of wonder. She is nothing short of _Magnificent. _She is so much better than he is, so much stronger, so much kinder and more idealistic, and he is, well, he is getting old and tired.

"_You can't fight Timelords Romana"_

"_You did. Once."_

He wishes he was still that person, still had that strength, if only for her sake, but he just can't summon up the will power. Everything was so much simpler when he began, all those lifetimes ago, everything seemed black and white and obvious, he was so sure of himself. But the universe turned out to be so much more complicated than he ever realised. Somewhere along the line, as she grew more and more, he became jaded and bitter and _old. _He supposes it is all part of nature, all part of the course of time. If there is one thing he knows about, it is time.

The thought he can't bare is that someday that may happen to her; that she may grow angry, that she may give up, as he is beginning to think he has done. If her leaving him will prevent that from happening then he almost feels it would be worth it, though Rassilon only knows how much he will miss her when she's gone. The thought of it is something close to actual physical pain.

A rush of memories floods his mind- in Paris with her as she made acidic comments about the Mona Lisa, punting with her on the Cam, the way they fought Daleks, and the Nimon, and the Black Guardian together. There are at least a thousand occasions he can think of where he would have been dead without her, and and an equal number where she would have been dead without him. They have been a good team. He is filled with a sudden selfish anger. He does not _want _her to leave, she is his best friend and he _needs _her.

But, as he is coming reluctantly to realise, she no longer needs him, not really. He is holding her back, he knows that, and she will never fully realise the potential she has until she finds the courage the leave him behind, or until he finds the courage to leave _her. _Somehow, though he knows that it will not be that way around; in this, as in everything else, she will be the stronger party. He wonders vaguely what in the wide universe he is going to do without her.

He has lost so many people- Jo, and Liz and Sarah-Jane, and Leela, and Zoe and, oh Rassilon, _Susan. _It always hurt, every single time, but this time it is going to be worse than it ever has been before. He knows that already. She is, after all, the only person who has ever been a match for him, able to call him on all his lunacies and contradictions and many many bad habits. There have been times when he's hated her for it. Now it seems just another thing to miss.

Still, he reflects, she is not gone yet, may not be gone for some time. He is determined to make the most of the time he has with her, and when she leaves, well, he'll manage somehow, he always has before, and she, she will be wonderful, more than wonderful, _superb. _She was, he thinks, born to succeed. One day, no doubt, she will rule the world, but for now, for now she is still his Romana.

**The End**


End file.
